Blogmas Edition!Day 29

A message to the ‘Average Black woman’

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well. So recently I saw a video of a black woman seeking dating advice from an image consultant known as Kevin Samuels. Before I proceed to my commentary, I would like you to watch the video and then proceed.

My opinion

The black community especially in my country considers dark skinned women as ‘average/non-desirable and or ugly.’

So the typical expectation is that ‘average women should never want anything high for themselves. They should not have high standards because average people do not deserve the best. That is why Kenyans attacked Elsa for wanting to marry a man who would pay four million USD for her hand in marriage. I am pretty sure if she was not considered ‘average’ and if she was ‘light-skinned’, the reaction would be quite different.

However, I think very differently. I believe, with every fiber of my being that ‘average women’ have all it takes to choose the kind of partners they want and set standards as they please.

The Message to the average black/ dark skinned girl

  1. Move silently. Not every body needs to know your dating standards and dating preferences. At least make it known to your potential partners and or a few family members and friends. This will save you a lot of drama and trolling.
  2. Work on your self esteem. Having a high self esteem will help you believe in your standards so much such that you can barely tolerate anything outside the scope of what you want.
  3. Brace yourself for hate. If you already told everyone about your dating preferences and high standards, then buckle up for the rough comments and unsolicited advice. If you are mentally prepared, it will be easier for you to ignore.
  4. Be graceful. Even after the hate, just be graceful and stick to your standards. Do not be the ‘typical angry black woman’ when addressing people who bring you down. Keep it moving gracefully. You can rant to your friends though.
  5. Be patient. Working on yourself requires patient. Setting standards and meeting a person who fits the part requires patience. So be patient and decline everything that does not meet your threshold.

You will not die alone. Be patient.

Bye! See you on the next post.

I love you all

Blogmas Edition! Day 28

Elsa Majimbo and colorism

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well. Today, I came across some tweets calling out Elsa Majimbo for addressing colorism on Naomi Campbell’s interview. So I decided to write down a commentary on it.

Earlier on, I had a post touching on colorism and Elsa Majimbo. Feel free to check it out.

Edit Post ‹ Vert Berry — WordPress.com

GASLIGHTING

Now some Kenyans went ahead and attacked Elsa for addressing colorism on the show. They have compared her to Rono (a popular dark skinned, female Kenyan comedian). Some have compared her sentiments to the colorism Edwin Butita has experienced before, but nobody asked Elsa how colorism affected her career. Nobody asked Elsa how colorism mentally affected her. The Kenyan netizens only cared about the ‘disrespect on an International level’ but ignored the fact that she struggled with colorism.

People just jumped into ‘nobody has ever hinted on colorism about you in this app’ bandwagon. It is very clear that Kenyans hate to admit the fact that colorism is a real problem that should be addressed head on.

It seems Kenyans want Elsa’s approval more than learning from her and analyzing the hurdles she had to deal with (colorism included) before achieving so much. Some are now bashing dark skinned women and calling them ‘churas’ (frogs) because Elsa addressed colorism.

One netizen tried to be funny and stated that Elsa is maybe trying ‘dark humor.’ Kenyans have an ugly habit of demeaning dark skinned women and denying it simultaneously. They make colorist jokes and throw the ‘dark skinned women are so angry and sensitive, kwani hamjui jokes?‘ statement like confetti.

It is 2020 and dark skinned women can tell the difference between a joke and an insult.

CONCLUSION

Comparing Elsa to Eddy Butita and Rono is pointless. Trying to invalidate her experience with colorism via unsolicited comparisons is a gaslighting technique that needs to be left in 2020.

People should learn to listen to the colorism issues faced by dark skinned women without judging, comparing and or invalidating.

Colorism is real. Stop invalidating this issue.

Bye everyone! I will see you on the next post.

Blogmas Edition! Day 27

Betty Bayo and skin bleaching

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well. This post shall discuss on whether one should change for the sake of pleasing their romantic partners.

Betty Bayo a Kenyan gospel artist bleached her skin because her then fiancee promised to marry her only if she was ‘rangi ya thao’ which when loosely translated means light skin.

Unfortunately the relationship did not last and she was left with a lot of ‘work to do’ on her skin. I think it must have been very stressful and painful for her.

My opinion

Once a man asks you to bleach yourself for him to love you/marry you/treat you right; That is a big red flaf exposing his colorist self. Do not fall for it.

I don’t think ladies should change their skin tone for anybody not even their ‘lovers’

Colorist partners are toxic. Even after you ‘bleach for them’, they will probably always remind you of how dark you were, how uneven your skin looks or mocjk you for the very decision you took for pleasing them.

Conclusion

In short, just date a person who loves your dark skin and everything about you. Do not change yourself for anyone. You have your dark skin for a reason. Embrace it.

Blogmas Edition! Day 26

Was he colorist?

Colorism in Relationships

WHAT HE SAID

‘Dark skinned women cannot be seen in pictures, so when your girlfriend sends you her picture, the screen turns dark’ 😂😂

That is what he (one of my exes) posted. Just to keep everything tasteful and discrete, let us called him Jerome.

When I asked him what he meant by the post he went ahead and explained it to me;

RELAX,YOU ARE NOT THAT DARK. HAVE YOU MET DARK PEOPLE?! CHILL

At that point, I just felt like a knife cut through my heart. That is when I knew, I was in a relationship with a colorist person.

WHAT HAPPENED

I remember that day vividly. I was in class waiting for my morning class to begin. The lecturer was running late so I was going through my chats. My then boyfriend had made some subliminal colorist comments before but I never really read in between the lines and I constantly brushed it off. (Drop a comment if you want a post that highlights on signs of a colorist lover/partner).

The post I saw that morning on his story that was specifically meant to shame dark skinned women coupled with the gaslighting upon confronting him made me rethink my decision. I broke up with him eventually.

TOXIC COLORIST PARTNERS

Yes, they do exist. Just because he is with you does not mean you are his type/ he likes dark skinned women.

It is very possible to have a colorist boyfriend/husband as a dark skinned woman. I had a lady sharing a story of her ex husband who shamed her for being dark skinned on a daily basis. He would even embarrass her before visitors during events. The most profound being asking people in an event to ‘avoid’ taking pictures with the wife since she is too dark to be seen, ‘Huyu mkipiga picha na yeye ataonekana kweli?’

When the wife confronted him about it, he flipped the narrative and labelled her as too sensitive.

In both cases the men used the gaslighting technique to invalidate our concerns. But luckily both of us moved on and endeavored to dobetter.

SOLUTION

If you are in a relationship with a colorist person, you can consider a break up.

Forgive yourself post breakup. It may be hard to forgive yourself attracting such toxicity but you can do it.

Find the root of the problem. Go to therapy if you have to.

Finally, promise yourself to leave a toxic space, person or thing as early as possible.

Do not date the colorist again.

I hope you find this helpful. Kindly share it .

Thankyou so much guys. I love you all. See you on the next post and please help me reach 10k views.

Day 25!Blogmas Edition

Lessons I learnt in 2020

Guys 2020 has been a roller coaster for me. I had good moments, bad moments and traumatic moments.

I am very grateful for everything I went through and here are the lessons I learnt;

  1. People project in anger, ‘jokes’ and/or when things do not go their way.
  2. Peace of mind surpasses material possessions, status, college degrees or any other aspect that is highly valued in the society. Mental health is key.
  3. Strangers may support you more than family.
  4. Be yourself unapologetically.
  5. Do not wait for the flag to get ‘more red.’ A red flag is a red flag. Once you identify it, leave.
  6. Once you find your purpose, you really enjoy working on it.
  7. Love people wholeheartedly.
  8. Appreciate people who want to see you grow and win. Reciprocate accordingly.
  9. Forgive yourself.
  10. Promise yourself to do better everyday.

It always gets better. I love you all so much.

I hope to see you on the next post.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Blogmas Edition! Day 24

What has 2020 taught you?

Hello loves, I just want to wish you all a great Christmas Eve and a better Christmas day.

I am sending you all of you love, light and blessings. I hope you all have a great time and spread love everywhere you can.

Remember to be kind to each other during the family gatherings or wherever you spend yor festive holiday.

Please let me know what you have learnt this year.

I will share my biggest 2020 life lessons tomorrow.

I love you all so much,

Bye!

Blogmas Edition! Day 22

Best dark skinned make up artists (Personal Opinion)

Hello everyone, today I am sharing my favorite dark skinned make up gurus.

I hope they may help any dark skinned lady reading this post who is interested in learning how to do makeup but does not know where to begin.

  1. Mbayang Diouf
  2. Nyajal
  3. Nyma Tang
  4. Stephanie Cherono
  5. Maureen Mumbi
  6. Yvonne Victoria
  7. Audrey Ogambo
  8. Grace Omondi
  9. Nini Reeves
  10. Melanin Coco
  11. Young Africana

Bye loves! See you on the next post.

Blogmas Edition! Day 21

Appreciation post

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well.

I just want to take a brake from posting based on colorism and thank you all for always reading, commenting sharing and engaging with me.

I am currently trying to build an email list so that I can engage with you guys more. I am also doing my research on how to make this blog better.

Thankyou guys, I hope to see you on the next post.