Blogmas Edition,day 10!

Dark skinned women an pick me culture

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing fine. On this post, I am going to be sharing on a topic that one of my Youtube subscribers asked me to address. Check out Rachel Mwendwa’s comment.

Pick me culture

A pick me lady is basically a lady who would do anything to keep a man. She is willing to put all her priorities and life in general just to please or keep a man around.

Her standards are few to non-existent and this applies to how she lets other people treat her, men and women alike.

She basically puts herself last and it is evident from how she thinks of herself, how she speaks about herself and other women (in a degrading manner), how she judges other women for putting themselves first and how she is always on twitter ‘defending’ men. In this era, I am certainly sure you have met or heard of these ladies.

There are men who also have the notion that women should not be treated right (something I do not agree with) and shame women for having standards, being high maintenance and expecting better from them.

These two groups of people make up, promote and uphold the pick me culture.

Pick me culture and dark skinned women

There is a blog post I wrote earlier this year that addressed stereotypes that are attached to dark skinned women. Here is the link if you missed it;

Debunking stereotypes attached to dark skinned women – Vert Berry (

Since the Kenyan society and black society has for a long period of time degraded dark skinned women, most dark skinned women have internalized the notion that they are unattractive and they should therefore, accept breadcrumb treatment in every facet of their lives including relationships and marriage.

They have an incessant need to bend over backwards in order to get any form of validation from anyone however miniscule. Some dark skinned women put other dark skinned women like me by thinking they are better ‘because they have never experienced colorism and they are not insecure’ so that men can see them as ‘better dark skinned women (I think I should do a story time on this incident, lol).’

Dark skinned women have been lied to into thinking that they are not the prize, that they have to do anything and everything under the sun in order to receive love and validation. The lie has succeeded abundantly and the women have suffered terribly but some of us are unaware of the suffering because we are so accustomed to it, we take it in as oxygen.

Shaming dark skinned women for setting standards

That is why people get so annoyed when dark skinned women set standards and stick by them. They wonder ‘how did she do it?’ ‘who does she think she is’?

That is why they shamed Elsa Majimbo, called her ugly for setting standards but would not even say anything when a woman who meets the standards of beauty of the society sets the same standards.


Disclaimer! I know not all dark skinned women are like this but incase you need to hear it;

Dark skinned women need to realize that they can set standards as they please, no matter what the society says.

Dark skinned women need to realize that they are worthy and do not deserve breadcrumb treatment in any facet of their lives.

Dark skinned women need to realize that they can address issues facing men in society genuinely but not in hopes of getting men to like them. This is equal to watching football even if you do not enjoy it, so that men can ‘deem you as wifey or something.’

Dark skinned women who shame other women for speaking about colorism so that they can seem better actually need to stop for a hot minute and reevaluate their thoughts on colorism. Just because it has not happened to you does not mean the issue does not exist.

Finally, subscribe to my channel so that we can all engage, learn and unlearn some notions that may help this pick me culture.

Thanks so much for reading! See you on the next post.

I love you so much!

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